Tag Archives: new year

New Beginnings

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As 2011 comes to a close I’m thinking about how life events that appear as endings are always new beginnings in disguise.

This an important lesson I think to help kids understand – what looks like a sad ending can actually be a fresh start if you are clear about what you have control over and what you do not. Of course you must feel and honor your feelings. But learning to transmute our feelings through our thoughts, words, and behaviors empowers us so we’re not victimized by them.

My 8 year old daughter came home from school 3 weeks ago visibly upset that in her friend’s families, their Dads live with them, but in her family, her Dad does not. “I’m sad and embarrassed, Mommy!” came from Ava’s pouty mouth.

First, I commended her (and Onionhead) for her ability to so beautifully identify and express her feelings. Next, I honored Ava’s feelings by attentively listening to the details and giving her a hug. To help process, I suggesting she write out exactly what was on her mind and in her heart. She wrote a most articulate and sincere letter to her father, explaining how angry she was, how she cries, and how out-of-control she feels over her situation.

Next, on to the job of transmuting her distress . . . . Once we had truly acknowledged and released her negative feelings, we were free to fill the space with positive ones. I asked her what was good about her family. She quickly replied that we’re active, humorous, we read together and she loves her big brothers.

To address her feeling of embarrassment, she and I talked about the make-up of the many families in our neighborhood and she quickly understood that happy families take many shapes and forms, that she was not alone. Then we talked about some reasons she might feel good about her father – he’s a good gardener, funny and he plays cards with her.

She was now feeling positive and empowered instead of sad and victimized by her situation. I’m so pleased to see her developing this mental muscle; a muscle that will help her get control of her feelings. It gets stronger each time she flexes it, and it will see her through all of life’s hard endings.

Ava faces 2012 with great hope and excitement. However, no matter what the New Year brings, she’s developing a life-skill that will help her cope. By honoring and releasing her feelings, then filling the space with gratitude, she makes her own new beginning.

What more could a mother ask for?

Millie

The Onionhead Men

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So…you’ve heard from The 3 Ohms (Onionhead Mothers) for quite a while now, so it’s about time you heard from the men.  We’re simply calling ourselves “The OHM” (The Onionhead Men).  This is going to be quite a different perspective at least from this blogger.  My children are grown and out of the house.  However, never far from our thoughts.  Fortunately, both live within a half hour and speak to us, or should I say my wife (and sometimes me) every day.  As you can probably guess both are girls.  Each have successful careers, own homes and are independent…but family remains a top priority.  Our oldest is married and expecting our first grandchild.  Of course, we are so very excited and just can’t wait to be grandparents!  We don’t know the sex yet… so stay tuned as that’s for a future blog.

This being my first blog it is more in the way of an introduction… my next blog will be more about my experiences as a working dad and how I made certain sacrifices, but made it work.  By the way I have 2 cats… one female and one male… the male is “my boy”!!

I look forward to getting to know you!

New Year Resolution

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Happy New Year! And what are your resolutions this time? Probably what most resolutions are usually about – a wish to lose some weight or eat better (especially after holiday indulgences), or a wish to get involved in some kind of exercise routine. These kinds of resolutions are usually about how we look – if we really check, there may be a touch of vanity or ego involved. But ultimately, if we accomplished those goals, we’d actually be taking better care of ourselves.

That’s my New Year’s resolution. To take better care of myself. I’m always busy taking care of others; my family, of course, and all the other people who share my life. But I won’t be very much good to any of them if I don’t take care of myself. Now, there are some lines there that are easily crossed. I’m not talking about more shopping time for clothes, or even spending an excessive amount of time on my hair or makeup.  It’s more about overall well-being, having a strong and healthy body and mind. Eating better, making healthier choices (without sacrificing enjoyment!), planning and preparing what I need to get through the week without resorting to the vending machine or fast (calorie and fat-laden) food.

There’s also the matter of getting to appointments, like the dentist, and regular well-checkups. As long as there is nothing wrong, those seem to fall to the wayside. This is all aimed at prevention, and I think my family and friends are worth the trouble. If I can take a little bit of time to make sure I’m staying in the best possible shape, I will be of better help and company to them. We are so caught up in our everyday busyness, we’re not thinking about the long run. I hope there is a long run, a really long, long run. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone any sooner than I have to be, if at all, so the key is to stay in shape and take care of myself now, for them.

So maybe we don’t want to think about ourselves so much, or are always juggling our time. Now we can recognize we need to do these things for THEM. And hopefully that will motivate us to start looking at how we treat ourselves, make better choices, and get to those appointments. Family and friends, tell the ones you love to do this for you. Don’t let your loved ones and caregivers neglect themselves.  Tell them you want them to be around as long as possible. Because you love them. And hopefully they can manage to do it because they love you.

The New Year

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After reading the last two blogs about being in the moment and leaving each day as it is your last and about new year’s resolutions, I am sitting here thinking about how different we try to become once we have kids. We all realize that our time with our kids in their young, innocent years is short and that we have to cherish it.  We know that we have to have more patience and kindness to be the best teachers for them we can be.  We know we need to lead by example for them.

The thing I think that a lot of people forget is that you also have to take care of yourself during this time.  You can’t be all your energy into family, into your husband or your kids.  You do need to take time for yourself. So in reading Pam’s blog it struck me that her “get more exercise” resolution is being replaced by, “be more patient, be in the moment and be consistent.”  Of course those are all great things to focus on but it is very important that we mom’s make sure that we make time for ourselves.  So add, “get more exercise” to that  list because that will make you feel better and will probably go a long way in providing you more patience!  We need our “me time” so be sure to hang out with friends, go for a walk, read a book, do something for yourself, try for each day but at least each week in 2011!

Have a very Happy New Year!