New Beginnings

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Lane

As 2011 comes to a close I’m thinking about how life events that appear as endings are always new beginnings in disguise.

This an important lesson I think to help kids understand – what looks like a sad ending can actually be a fresh start if you are clear about what you have control over and what you do not. Of course you must feel and honor your feelings. But learning to transmute our feelings through our thoughts, words, and behaviors empowers us so we’re not victimized by them.

My 8 year old daughter came home from school 3 weeks ago visibly upset that in her friend’s families, their Dads live with them, but in her family, her Dad does not. “I’m sad and embarrassed, Mommy!” came from Ava’s pouty mouth.

First, I commended her (and Onionhead) for her ability to so beautifully identify and express her feelings. Next, I honored Ava’s feelings by attentively listening to the details and giving her a hug. To help process, I suggesting she write out exactly what was on her mind and in her heart. She wrote a most articulate and sincere letter to her father, explaining how angry she was, how she cries, and how out-of-control she feels over her situation.

Next, on to the job of transmuting her distress . . . . Once we had truly acknowledged and released her negative feelings, we were free to fill the space with positive ones. I asked her what was good about her family. She quickly replied that we’re active, humorous, we read together and she loves her big brothers.

To address her feeling of embarrassment, she and I talked about the make-up of the many families in our neighborhood and she quickly understood that happy families take many shapes and forms, that she was not alone. Then we talked about some reasons she might feel good about her father – he’s a good gardener, funny and he plays cards with her.

She was now feeling positive and empowered instead of sad and victimized by her situation. I’m so pleased to see her developing this mental muscle; a muscle that will help her get control of her feelings. It gets stronger each time she flexes it, and it will see her through all of life’s hard endings.

Ava faces 2012 with great hope and excitement. However, no matter what the New Year brings, she’s developing a life-skill that will help her cope. By honoring and releasing her feelings, then filling the space with gratitude, she makes her own new beginning.

What more could a mother ask for?

Millie

Willpower is the Well to Draw From to Change Ourselves

Posted on March 2, 2011 by admin

I’m experiencing change at a rate faster than ever before. I’m pretty sure you are too. For me, it is both exciting and at times stressful. We’ve been writing about taking on the ego, being honorable and chivalry over the last couple of months. I’m very clear that the kind of change we are writing about takes great discipline and determination. But, I asked myself, what provides the steady flow of energy needed to maintain those virtues? Willpower.

I used the Universal Truths cards (available from Onionhead) and pulled out the “willpower” card. The messages that resonated with me were:

“Only WILL makes for change. The more we are WILLing to unveil our fears, the more we discover the miracle of our full potential.” That one line answered my question in this article.
“Observe everything, study diligently and put that knowledge to greater use.” I’m pragmatic and a get it done type, so this truth that our diligence in seeing, studying and then acting made a lot of sense. Discipline and determination are the work to see, study and act.

Once the idea that willpower is the energy that keeps everything moving sunk in for me, determination and then the discipline needed every day to change had ignited. This was a very good reminder and boost today! The message I really love in this willpower card is “willpower is wellpower, connecting us to the Source.” Everything flows from there. And that Source is limitless!

Have a good WILL day!

-Lane

What is Honor?

Posted on February 10, 2011 by Lane

Honor is not directly stated as one of the seven virtues, however it can be implied when looking at the virtues as a whole. It is a combination of integrity and respect in one.

Having a clearly defined list of moral and ethical principles is not enough. To be honorable, one must also follow these rules set before him as well as act them out in daily life. You must be honest with others as well as yourself.

Respect is also essential. A type of respect that is unbiased, no matter what your own personal feelings are towards the person or subject.

In everyday life this can be a challenge. Owing up to something we did that was wrong is never pleasant, but being honest will result in a feeling of pride and confidence in ones work in the future as well as being respected by your peers. Being honorable is just the start of a path leading to being a better person and I will do my best to follow it throughout my life. Achieving a truly honorable lifestyle will bring you one step closer to knighthood.

-Mike

To Honor is to Love

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Caitlin

Many feelings and actions can be translated into one being honorable. Honor can mean helping those who are weaker than you. It can mean never giving up no matter how rough the situation may be. Honor is sticking up for those who do not have a voice. Honor is valor, dedication and selflessness. Honor is also speaking the truth and not being deceptive. In other words…. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

To me, honor is something that I associate with my parents and grandparents. Having been brought up Catholic, the concept of “honoring thy mother and thy father” is something that has been ingrained in my being since I was old enough to remember. Ten years ago my grandfather passed away leaving my grandmother, who he had been married to for over 60 years, all alone. I remember feeling that it was my duty to stop over her house every week just to check in and see how she was doing. I felt a deep NEED to be there for her and help her with the things around the house that my grandfather used to do. I know that my help and my company made her so happy in such a sad time in her life. Subsequently my grandmother passed away in 2007 at the ripe old age of 89. Although I was sad, and missed both grandparents, I was thankful that I got the opportunity to honor the memory of my grandfather AND at the same time honor my grandmother in her remaining years on earth.

- James

Duty, Honor, Country

Posted on February 2, 2011 by Caitlin

I come from a long line of west point graduates. My father graduated from the west point military academy in 1964. When I was about nine years old I asked him what he learned at west point. His reply was, “I learned to be a leader of character and to protect the values of duty, honor and country.” He then explained what those three words meant to him; “Duty is the responsibility we all have to serve our fellow man, country and a higher purpose.” Country is about protecting our home, so that we can be safe. Honor is doing something for the right reasons.” When he said that, I thought about this grocery store that friends and I would go to after school. There had been a few times that we had stolen some candy and I realized right away that I had been dishonorable. I felt terrible and told my father what I had done. Because I felt so ashamed, I did not think the honor was retrievable. My father scolded me and then he told me that I could regain my honor by going back to the store, tell them what I did, and then pay them back. That walk back to the store was one of the most difficult things I ever did, but it taught me that we always have a chance to be honorable, and being honorable is often the more difficult road to take.

-Dylan

A Father’s Perspective on Honor

Posted on February 1, 2011 by Caitlin

I believe there are four things that add up to honor: truthfulness, trustworthiness, timeliness and tenderness. The best way to illustrate why I believe this way is through my experiences as a father with daughters in their early twenties.

The most important thing I want from the young men who date my daughters is for them to be honorable.

One young man arriving to pick up my daughter for a date could not even look me in the eye. How could I trust him? I gave my daughter that caution stare as they walked out the door.
Another interesting suitor couldn’t stop talking and boasting about himself. How much truth was there in anything he was saying? What deceptions would my daughter face? Warning! Warning!!
A personal favorite was the young man who always showed up late and didn’t care about the impact it had on everyone else. If he didn’t show respect for others, would he really respect my daughter and honor her? I don’t believe he respected himself! Red light!!
Then there is tenderness. Ok, that one is a big reach for 95% of young men today. But, my girls know not to go there with a guy they would date. So I’ve been spared young men in their lives that fall from honor in that way.

On Christmas morning a year ago, a young man took back all of the nightmares about my daughters’ dates that had accumulated to that point. He had arranged to surprise my oldest daughter with his proposal with the whole family as their witness. He asked for my blessing and permission to propose weeks before. Everyone helped with his plans to surprise my daughter. When she opened the gift holding her ring, he got down on one knee and spoke tenderly. He did everything honorable. Oh, and she said “yes”!

So, I learned something that Christmas day. If we teach our children to demand honor of themselves and others that they bring into their life, good happens.