Tag Archives: holiday traditions

Time Travels

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Now here’s something you don’t hear every day: “Mom, I really don’t like Christmas evening.”

When I heard that, I thought, how is that possible?  The tree, the decorations, the party, the presents (!) – what is there not to like about that night?

Further probing brought an interesting answer.  It’s not actually the evening that my son dreads; it’s what the end of the night signifies.  When the presents are packed up, and the food is put away, and the kids are back home in their own beds for the night, that’s when the realization sinks in.  The sadness that it’s another whole long year until we get to celebrate again.

And then I remembered feeling the exact same way when I was a kid.  It was too agonizingly long a wait until the next time I got to put on a costume, or hang up a wreath, or blow out  my candles.  My mother always told me to wait and see, I wouldn’t believe how quickly time began to fly when I got older.  And of course, I pooh-poohed that idea.  How could time – or our sense of it - shift so dramatically?

Well, here I am, some years later, and of course she was absolutely right.  (See that?  Moms are always right.  At least that’s what I tell my two kids.)   It couldn’t possibly be 1 year ago that I packed away those ornaments, but it was.  Where did the year go, and how did that much time just speed by me?

I think one of the reasons that children and adults see time so differently is in how each group lives.  The kids I know live primarily in the moment, focusing on their current situation.  (Anyone who’s heard “I’m hungry!” “I’m tired!” “I’m bored!” can attest to the immediacy of the child’s mind.)  Adults live simultaneously in the past, present and future.  We take care of our immediate needs in the present, plan for things we’ll need to do in the future, and relive memories of the past (whether good or bad).

I’ve come to believe that focusing on three dimensions takes away from our ability to enjoy the one we’re actually living in, and skewers our sense of time.  And with that in mind, I’m planning to take the next couple of weeks as they come.  I’m not going to focus on January tasks or February errands.  I’m not going to fret about how wonderfully last year’s party went, or wonder whether next week’s will be as fun.  I’m just going to enjoy the here and now, and take time as it comes.

Traditions Uncovered

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My family wasn’t much for holiday traditions.  We did have one, for Christmas Eve.  We would light a fire, and my father and brother would play chess while my mother and I played checkers.  We timed it so our games would end right about when “It’s a Wonderful Life” would come on air.  (How quaint that seems – a time of 13 channels and no DVR, with the entire country held hostage to the networks’ schedules.)

I always envied my friends who had an entire season’s worth of family traditions, which is probably why I started a host of them when we had our first child.  There’s the cut-our-own Christmas tree tradition, which we began with our best friends.  We travel from Long Island to Connecticut, drive to a family-owned tree farm, and tramp around in the woods until we find the perfect tree.  At least that’s what we did, until the year our tree got loose while we were driving across the Throgs Neck Bridge.  (That’s my 15 minutes of fame – we were the nameless family featured endlessly on that evening’s traffic report.)  After that, we decided that the pre-cut trees at the neighborhood nursery would do just fine.

Then there’s the latest entry in the family tradition bowl – the one that seemed to be perfect in every way.  The Advent House.  What could be better than giving the kids a tiny present every night of December leading up to Christmas?  It was a lot of fun the first year.  I collected little gifts throughout the year and the kids had a ball opening up the tiny doors each night and discovering the goodies inside.  By the second year, some of the novelty had worn off for me.  I realized that I had, of my own free will, set myself up to buy 50 extra presents each year.  50!  It didn’t matter that they were small, and of little monetary value.  They still required thought (and shopping time), and established a pattern of consumption for my kids that I didn’t like.  And I had no one to blame but myself.

Something had gone wrong in my attempts to manufacture picture-perfect traditions, and this got me to thinking about what makes for a meaningful one.  The one that’s worked best for us so far is the simplest – hosting my parents and in-laws for Christmas Eve dinner.  Once a year, my husband and I pull out the good china, make a slew of courses, and sit down and bond, grandparents, parents and grandkids.

When I thought about it, I realized that’s what my childhood tradition was all about – spending time together as a family.  It didn’t matter whether we played checkers or charades, watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Star Wars” – it was about the fact that every year, on a special night, we carved out time to be together in a way that had significance to us.  And this was very precious to me – so much so, in fact, that I tried to create more of those types of experiences for my children, without realizing what had made it so memorable.  For me, as a child, and as an adult, the most valuable traditions ended up being those that enabled me to spend time with the ones that I love.

Wishing you and your loved ones a holiday season filled with time together.