Parental Manual

So I have taken the opportunity to read Perfecting Parenting Guide, and reflecting back on what I’ve read, it’s amazing how once reading something how much it feels like it’s talking about you specifically.  How true is the statement “Parenthood is a potpourri of feelings”.

Being a mother of two, I have went through so many feelings in the eight years since my son was born.  There are days where everything goes exactly the way you need them too, everyone in the home is in a good mood, my son and four year old daughter are not bickering at each, and everyone is just happy.  Then there are the days where the bickering starts as soon as their feet hit the floor, my voice does not faze them, and we can’t do anything but discuss what is going on with them and making them spend their time in the rooms, having them think about the way they are acting and what they feel like they need to do to correct it.

The parenting guide takes you through various exercises and though I have not had time to complete the exercises, the questions that I have read have actually made me think.  In the exercise where it asks to grade yourself on what you feel you teach well as a parent and what you lack in.  It amazed me by my answers to these questions and it tells myself that even though I feel like I am a good mother, there is so much that I need to work on.  Besides teaching our children, we must teach ourselves how to be that wonderful teacher that our children look up to and love so much.  We as parents need to reflect on not only what we are teaching our children but what in fact we are learning ourselves.

Onionhead Feeling Cards

I cannot start my day without doing my Onionhead cards!  Why?  Because I always want to escape difficult feelings.  Why?  Because I want to pretend that all is well in my world.  I know myself……if I can get away from a problem, I will!  Also I want to be popular and truth does not instigate popularity.

Yet, I also know that facing my feelings will lead me to a much healthier and happier life style.  I love truth and yet I notice that most people are afraid of it, so I guess I fit in.  But where I do NOT fit in….. is that I WANT TO CHANGE.  I dream of the day when I can just say my truth without feeling guilty or uncomfortable.  I yearn for the day that I will not care  what people think of me, as long as I know that my intentions are pure and loving.

My cards mean a great deal to me.  They have become my most trusted friends.  They tell it as it is….without veils or judgments.  I look forward to my time alone with them.  Now I have to go the next step and take it to the next level.

Today I got the card “betrayed”.  I know who I feel betrayed by and I made a promise to myself in my journal that I will go to that person and speak my truth before the week is over.  Once I make a promise……I keep it……… so it was pretty big to write those words…….especially since my other card was ‘scared’!

Will keep you posted.

PS: On Onionhead.org there is a wonderful free tool to Pick your Card of the Day.  Check it out!!

From Blank Slate to Bully

There’s no question the victim of bullying can be irreparably damaged. In this forum, however, I’d like to look at bullying from the bully’s perspective. What would drive a child to be mean?  After all, they are clean slates when they start out. What happens in the mind and heart of the bully that they make the choice to abuse another child?

I don’t believe a bully wakes up one morning and decides to be mean. Bullying is a cry for help by the perpetrator. Whatever has happened in the past, or is currently going on at home, has the bully lashing-out. The bully simply doesn’t have an appropriate outlet for his own strong emotions and the nearest, most vulnerable victim is the target. Misplaced anger is what motivates one child to pick-on another. And so the cycle continues.

Yes, we need to stop bullying at the school and cyber-space level. But to truly be effective in solving the greater problem, we need to get to the kids before the thought of taking their anger out on another even occurs to them. One way to do this is to give them appropriate ways to manage their anger. At our house we stop our feet and run laps around the outside of the house. I’ve heard of other families who do pushups and sit-ups. Once the physical urge is released, we are free to have a dialogue about the emotions underneath.

Bullying is our wake-up call. It’s telling us emotional tools and support are essential to the well-being of our children, of our future.

Love,
Millie

Christmas time

For me, Christmas and Loneliness just don’t go together. We celebrate Christmas like most — good food, presents, friends and family. It’s such a loving, giving happy time. Yet there are so many out there that are not as lucky as I am, and I’m forever grateful for what I have.

At times, I become very lonely because Christmas is very big in my family, and I miss my dad sooooo much.  This is why I make sure to spare a thought for those who aren’t so lucky.

-Sharon

My take on Christmas and Loneliness

I have to say that it took me a minute to understand the topic this month, Christmas and Loneliness. I have been very fortunate and have never experienced loneliness at Christmas time.  I however don’t feel that all kinds of loneliness is bad. Sometimes being alone allows you to grow as a person, see things from another’s point of view, and sometimes it helps you understand something you might not have known without the feeling of loneliness. Sometimes I can be in a huge crowd and still feel that feeling of loneliness. I have learned to embrace the loneliness, have it remind me of all the other wonderful feelings I have and learn from it.  Loneliness for me can make me stronger as a person, a wiser person, more humble and more compassionate.

-Regina

Every Time a Bell Rings

Christmas carols, twinkling lights, the aroma of cinnamon and sugar cookies, TV images of happy families enjoying holiday feasts, the romance of George Bailey. Ahhh, Christmas.  Can anything else make you feel more warm and cozy inside? We’re supposed to be loving and sentimental this time of year, aren’t we?

I’m wondering why then, these tell-tale signs of Christmas sometimes have the precise opposite effect. Why, more often than not, when bombarded with a holiday image, aroma or a song, is my response is sheer dread?

Upon further examination, it’s clear that egocentricity has me feeling like I’m not entitled to partake in all this warm Christmasing . I simply don’t measure up to all the pretty glitter that is Christmas.

Well, hmmm. Let’s look at that. The fact is, my reality is not a Hellman’s commercial  . . .  I’m constantly racing the kids out the door to pageant rehearsal, I curse the whole time I put the lights-up, and our Christmas dinner is far from what the TV would have me believe is going on in all the other homes in my neighborhood.

So what’s the lonely, stubborn pout about? IS my life so different from everyone else’s? Funny how Christmas with all its warmth and cheer can leave us feeling so alone and isolated.

The Christmas miracle is that we have choices! Sure, we can travel down the dark alley of self-pity to arrive at a place of scarcity and lonesomeness. Or, we can focus inward and summon up the humility, strength and courage to embrace the life we’ve been given — without concern for what TV or advertisers suggest it should be. When we travel the path of appreciation for the whole of what our life is, we arrive at love, freedom, warmth – and the Christmas spirit can’t help but thrive here.

There is no magic spouse, lottery ticket or perfectly behaved child that will make Christmas the fantasy we may have in our imaginations. What makes Christmas fantastical is the ability to let go of ego, let go of what false images tell us Christmas should be, and embrace what is: God’s love, a child’s love, family love.

Let go and let love happen. It is a wonderful life – if you make it so.

Millie

Christmas and Loneliness

I’m addicted!  To those Hallmark channel holiday movies about Santa, angels and romance!  I settle in each night and anticipate living vicariously through the fantasies portrayed on the screen.  Tears are shed, cookies are eaten and my heart melts like snow.

On the surface, it would seem natural to want to experience these lovely 2 hour vignettes of joy, miracles and love.   Or one might even entertain the thought that I had nothing better to do.  Well – there’s always something better to do than to watch TV, but this time of year, I have a craving for a certain type of connection – and the Hallmark Channel seems to satisfy it.

Going deeper, just what is it that I really crave?  I am truly blessed in my life with family, friends, joyous and generous holidays, and year-round support.  Wonder is no stranger to me, and magic pops into my life quite regularly.    At Christmastime, however, there is a heightened awareness in my heart, and I yearn for a way to express that fullness in a special way.

I recall a Christmas many years ago when I was going to be alone.  My little daughter was to spend the holidays with her dad, and no one else was around.  I was feeling the onset of a deep loneliness during the weeks before Christmas, and feeling soooo sorry for myself.  There didn’t seem to be any place for the expression of my overflowing heart.

Then – a few days before Christmas – a thought popped into my head that being alone for Christmas was a rare opportunity.   I was sparkling as I realized that I could help someone else have a better Christmas.  I decided to volunteer to visit patients who were going to be in the hospital on Christmas Day.  I got a list of those who had no one to visit them and went out and purchased little presents for each. I was so excited.

Christmas morning arrived with temperatures of 5 degrees below zero.  Armed with a holiday songbook and bursting Christmas stockings, I prayed my car would start.  Miraculously (and it WAS a miracle), I made it to the hospital.  The rest is history as they say.  I was greeted by each patient as if I was an angel.  None of them knew I would be there, and no matter what their physical condition, they were completely enveloped in the Christmas spirit.  We bonded in a way that only heaven can understand. And no – none of them accepted my invitation to sing Christmas Carols with me.  And yes – it was and still is – the most loving, magical, fulfilling Christmas I’ve ever had.

These days when my heart feels displaced around Christmas, I seek a venue for its expression – certainly not difficult in these times.  As for the Hallmark movies – I won’t be giving them up too soon. They are my blatant indulgence that satisfies my craving for the heartfelt magic of it all.

May your heart have a Happy Christmas,

-Linda

Living Openheartedly

I heart-ly know where to begin.

The heart is the 4th chakra of seven – right smack in the middle of the others. It is where we place our hand when we testify in court – or recite the Pledge of Allegiance in public. It is the most common translator in matters of romance, and it is the universal symbol of love.

We use the phrase ‘the heart of the matter’ when we wish to pinpoint the pure core of something.  And we take our pulse to indicate how fast or slow the heart is beating as an indicator of our health.  The heart is the most consistent guideline we have to determine our physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

Can a heart be broken?  Sure feels that way sometimes. But does that mean we don’t allow ourselves to live openheartedly?   Look at it this way – life is a fulcrum (like the middle of a see saw).  You can sit in the middle and play it safe – never fully engaging your heart.  Or you can choose to sit at one end with your destinies balancing out the opposite end.  Push off with your legs and see what heights are in store for you.  And yes – there will be lows.  But if you play it safe, you will never swing toward the sky which is where the heart feels free to soar and fully participate.  Even the lows have merit – when the heart is hurting, it is stretching and growing.  Besides, you’re not really living if you never experience heartfelt sorrow – tears strengthen our heart and remorse activates the wisdom of our soul.

Living through your heart is much richer than negotiating life exclusively with your mind. Responding to life on automatic pilot leaves out the magic of a heartfelt moment.  For instance, when someone may be holding out a sign for help,  a lot of us look away or go for the cliché and rationalize that that person will ‘probably use the money inappropriately’, ‘should look for a job’, etc. etc.  If we open our heart and put ourselves in that person’s place, I believe we would make a more compassionate assessment.  It is our heart that ultimately and intimately connects us to others.  Mother Theresa said something like:  The rich help the poor, and the poor help the rich.  Certainly, going out of your way to help someone is an act of heartfelt caring.  I guarantee you’ll feel your heart expanding while accumulating brownie points for your smiling soul.

Living openheartedly is ditching the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality, and being open to opportunities to be of service to others – it’s random acts of kindness – standing up for what’s right – rescuing animals – being vulnerable – and most of all, saying YES to that still small voice that prompts you with the prudent intelligence of love!  Choose to live with an open heart and you activate the eloquence of your soul.  It is the choice for those who wish to experience a fulfilling and meaningful life.

… from my heart to yours,

-Linda

Being Open-hearted

Being open-hearted can be “scary” if you are afraid of being hurt.  This is something that I’ve had to work on my entire adult life… being vulnerable seemed like a weakness and something that would guarantee being hurt in the end.  What I am learning to be is open, vulnerable with boundaries, and connecting through the heart to others.  Trusting that I will be safe, while being open is the way of being that is new for me.  Also, being open to the abundance in life is not a natural act.  I was taught that you need to work hard and save your money because this is the safe thing to do.  What I didn’t see (and am still learning to see) is that this can cut off generosity to others and in turn the generous flow of life back to me.

It all comes down to one word… trust.  Without trust, it is impossible to stay open-hearted.  I can be open-hearted moments at a time, and then something will trigger a belief that I need to be safe and careful.  Which will have my fragile side quickly retract into its shell (like a turtle or a sea creature).  From the inside, this shell appears beautiful and safe.  From the outside, this shell can appear hard and stingy.  The question is, how can I drop the shell, trust that all will be well and swim freely in the water instead of crawling along the bottom of the ocean while still feeling safe?  That is something to ponder today…

-Lesa

Feeling My Optimistic Smile

Have you ever really felt a smile?  You know that kind of smile that goes ear to ear.  The smile that stops you in your tracks.  The smile that is infectious and causes others to start smiling… just like someone else yawning big can easily make you yawn too.  Have you ever really FELT a smile?

It begins with a warmness in my heart.  Sure, you might say more blood is flowing or endorphins are released.  That’s not the warmth I feel though.  It is warmth generated out of delight, spontaneously emerging without effort.  The feeling lightens me, like gravity has lost its full grip for just a bit.  It rises to my head, letting my brain stay in the moment to enjoy the smile and what caused it to beam.  The trick is staying with that feeling and making it more a part of my day, each day.

When I’m harnessing life and living optimistically, I can easily feel both my smile and others too.  Be happy, delighted and laugh  today.  Feel your smile!

-Lane