For me, Christmas and Loneliness just don’t go together. We celebrate Christmas like most — good food, presents, friends and family. It’s such a loving, giving happy time. Yet there are so many out there that are not as lucky as I am, and I’m forever grateful for what I have.
At times, I become very lonely because Christmas is very big in my family, and I miss my dad sooooo much. This is why I make sure to spare a thought for those who aren’t so lucky.
-Sharon
I have to say that it took me a minute to understand the topic this month, Christmas and Loneliness. I have been very fortunate and have never experienced loneliness at Christmas time. I however don’t feel that all kinds of loneliness is bad. Sometimes being alone allows you to grow as a person, see things from another’s point of view, and sometimes it helps you understand something you might not have known without the feeling of loneliness. Sometimes I can be in a huge crowd and still feel that feeling of loneliness. I have learned to embrace the loneliness, have it remind me of all the other wonderful feelings I have and learn from it. Loneliness for me can make me stronger as a person, a wiser person, more humble and more compassionate.
-Regina
Christmas carols, twinkling lights, the aroma of cinnamon and sugar cookies, TV images of happy families enjoying holiday feasts, the romance of George Bailey. Ahhh, Christmas. Can anything else make you feel more warm and cozy inside? We’re supposed to be loving and sentimental this time of year, aren’t we?
I’m wondering why then, these tell-tale signs of Christmas sometimes have the precise opposite effect. Why, more often than not, when bombarded with a holiday image, aroma or a song, is my response is sheer dread?
Upon further examination, it’s clear that egocentricity has me feeling like I’m not entitled to partake in all this warm Christmasing . I simply don’t measure up to all the pretty glitter that is Christmas.
Well, hmmm. Let’s look at that. The fact is, my reality is not a Hellman’s commercial . . . I’m constantly racing the kids out the door to pageant rehearsal, I curse the whole time I put the lights-up, and our Christmas dinner is far from what the TV would have me believe is going on in all the other homes in my neighborhood.
So what’s the lonely, stubborn pout about? IS my life so different from everyone else’s? Funny how Christmas with all its warmth and cheer can leave us feeling so alone and isolated.
The Christmas miracle is that we have choices! Sure, we can travel down the dark alley of self-pity to arrive at a place of scarcity and lonesomeness. Or, we can focus inward and summon up the humility, strength and courage to embrace the life we’ve been given — without concern for what TV or advertisers suggest it should be. When we travel the path of appreciation for the whole of what our life is, we arrive at love, freedom, warmth – and the Christmas spirit can’t help but thrive here.
There is no magic spouse, lottery ticket or perfectly behaved child that will make Christmas the fantasy we may have in our imaginations. What makes Christmas fantastical is the ability to let go of ego, let go of what false images tell us Christmas should be, and embrace what is: God’s love, a child’s love, family love.
Let go and let love happen. It is a wonderful life – if you make it so.
Millie
I’m addicted! To those Hallmark channel holiday movies about Santa, angels and romance! I settle in each night and anticipate living vicariously through the fantasies portrayed on the screen. Tears are shed, cookies are eaten and my heart melts like snow.
On the surface, it would seem natural to want to experience these lovely 2 hour vignettes of joy, miracles and love. Or one might even entertain the thought that I had nothing better to do. Well – there’s always something better to do than to watch TV, but this time of year, I have a craving for a certain type of connection – and the Hallmark Channel seems to satisfy it.
Going deeper, just what is it that I really crave? I am truly blessed in my life with family, friends, joyous and generous holidays, and year-round support. Wonder is no stranger to me, and magic pops into my life quite regularly. At Christmastime, however, there is a heightened awareness in my heart, and I yearn for a way to express that fullness in a special way.
I recall a Christmas many years ago when I was going to be alone. My little daughter was to spend the holidays with her dad, and no one else was around. I was feeling the onset of a deep loneliness during the weeks before Christmas, and feeling soooo sorry for myself. There didn’t seem to be any place for the expression of my overflowing heart.
Then – a few days before Christmas – a thought popped into my head that being alone for Christmas was a rare opportunity. I was sparkling as I realized that I could help someone else have a better Christmas. I decided to volunteer to visit patients who were going to be in the hospital on Christmas Day. I got a list of those who had no one to visit them and went out and purchased little presents for each. I was so excited.
Christmas morning arrived with temperatures of 5 degrees below zero. Armed with a holiday songbook and bursting Christmas stockings, I prayed my car would start. Miraculously (and it WAS a miracle), I made it to the hospital. The rest is history as they say. I was greeted by each patient as if I was an angel. None of them knew I would be there, and no matter what their physical condition, they were completely enveloped in the Christmas spirit. We bonded in a way that only heaven can understand. And no – none of them accepted my invitation to sing Christmas Carols with me. And yes – it was and still is – the most loving, magical, fulfilling Christmas I’ve ever had.
These days when my heart feels displaced around Christmas, I seek a venue for its expression – certainly not difficult in these times. As for the Hallmark movies – I won’t be giving them up too soon. They are my blatant indulgence that satisfies my craving for the heartfelt magic of it all.
May your heart have a Happy Christmas,
-Linda
I heart-ly know where to begin.
The heart is the 4th chakra of seven – right smack in the middle of the others. It is where we place our hand when we testify in court – or recite the Pledge of Allegiance in public. It is the most common translator in matters of romance, and it is the universal symbol of love.
We use the phrase ‘the heart of the matter’ when we wish to pinpoint the pure core of something. And we take our pulse to indicate how fast or slow the heart is beating as an indicator of our health. The heart is the most consistent guideline we have to determine our physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
Can a heart be broken? Sure feels that way sometimes. But does that mean we don’t allow ourselves to live openheartedly? Look at it this way – life is a fulcrum (like the middle of a see saw). You can sit in the middle and play it safe – never fully engaging your heart. Or you can choose to sit at one end with your destinies balancing out the opposite end. Push off with your legs and see what heights are in store for you. And yes – there will be lows. But if you play it safe, you will never swing toward the sky which is where the heart feels free to soar and fully participate. Even the lows have merit – when the heart is hurting, it is stretching and growing. Besides, you’re not really living if you never experience heartfelt sorrow – tears strengthen our heart and remorse activates the wisdom of our soul.
Living through your heart is much richer than negotiating life exclusively with your mind. Responding to life on automatic pilot leaves out the magic of a heartfelt moment. For instance, when someone may be holding out a sign for help, a lot of us look away or go for the cliché and rationalize that that person will ‘probably use the money inappropriately’, ‘should look for a job’, etc. etc. If we open our heart and put ourselves in that person’s place, I believe we would make a more compassionate assessment. It is our heart that ultimately and intimately connects us to others. Mother Theresa said something like: The rich help the poor, and the poor help the rich. Certainly, going out of your way to help someone is an act of heartfelt caring. I guarantee you’ll feel your heart expanding while accumulating brownie points for your smiling soul.
Living openheartedly is ditching the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality, and being open to opportunities to be of service to others – it’s random acts of kindness – standing up for what’s right – rescuing animals – being vulnerable – and most of all, saying YES to that still small voice that prompts you with the prudent intelligence of love! Choose to live with an open heart and you activate the eloquence of your soul. It is the choice for those who wish to experience a fulfilling and meaningful life.
… from my heart to yours,
-Linda
Being open-hearted can be “scary” if you are afraid of being hurt. This is something that I’ve had to work on my entire adult life… being vulnerable seemed like a weakness and something that would guarantee being hurt in the end. What I am learning to be is open, vulnerable with boundaries, and connecting through the heart to others. Trusting that I will be safe, while being open is the way of being that is new for me. Also, being open to the abundance in life is not a natural act. I was taught that you need to work hard and save your money because this is the safe thing to do. What I didn’t see (and am still learning to see) is that this can cut off generosity to others and in turn the generous flow of life back to me.
It all comes down to one word… trust. Without trust, it is impossible to stay open-hearted. I can be open-hearted moments at a time, and then something will trigger a belief that I need to be safe and careful. Which will have my fragile side quickly retract into its shell (like a turtle or a sea creature). From the inside, this shell appears beautiful and safe. From the outside, this shell can appear hard and stingy. The question is, how can I drop the shell, trust that all will be well and swim freely in the water instead of crawling along the bottom of the ocean while still feeling safe? That is something to ponder today…
-Lesa
You might as well put me in patent leather Mary Janes and a pinafore with a ribbon in my hair. I am the perennial Pollyanna who wears her optimism on her sleeve!
It’s a tricky thing I say. There are times when optimism is not very popular. Cynicism, the need for ‘proof’ and wisdom gained from experience pushes optimism aside for a more ‘realistic’ approach to matters. Positivity is thrown out the window for the sake of reality. I think that’s why some people find Pollyanna so unrealistic. Her perennial optimism denotes a certain naiveté.
So what is the value of living optimistically? I feel it has to do with finding the truth of something, then making the highest choice. Find that truth by not imposing opinions or judgments, but by using your brain and your heart. Once you reach an objective conclusion, you can still maintain optimism, no matter what. From my Pollyanna perch, this is exactly what the world needs today. It’s about living life enthusiastically with great hope, even in the face of some of the more challenging aspects of life.
Speaking from my perch again, I believe there is a process going on whereby corruption and distortion are being brought to the surface – similar to when peroxide is poured on a wound to allow it to fester and heal. These ‘wounds’ are showing up in every aspect of our lives – moral, environmental, political. These revelations give us an opportunity to see clearly what is no longer acceptable and to make different choices in the way we want our world to be. Living optimistically would mean holding out the vision for a better tomorrow while pro-actively doing whatever it takes to make it happen.
The days of shaking our heads and uttering “tsk-tsk-tsk” are over. Everyone living on this planet now is being asked to participate in making our world a more loving, equitable, caring place. One of the most powerful things we can do to free ourselves from the bondage of apathy or hopelessness is to remain optimistic that together we can pull off the most profound shift of the ages.
I envision an age where Pollyanna will no longer be an anomaly, but will reflect the promise of ferreting out the best in every circumstance. As for me, I’m ready to click my heals and go off to save the world.
-Linda
